when life knocks you down

last night a friend of mine called, she told me how depressed she is on all the workloads from school. she had been reading all day long and still couldn't understand a thing of what she was reading. she explained about a class that she failed in.

i was actually shocked to catch her calling me in the middle of the night, crying, stressing out. i know her as someone very intelligent and mature. she works in one of the most prestigious government office. got a prestigious scholarship and also got accepted in a really good university for her masters degree. i never knew that she could be inconfident with herself.

i ever felt this way, just a month ago. where i keep asking 'what am i doing here?'. thinking that i don't deserve having what i have now simply cause i feel i'm a failure. i usually think i'm stupid, the stupidest. i was so close to giving-up, like going back to my country, cutting off the scholarship. but i'm lucky to be in a supportive environment.

now, i still often doubt myself, my capabilities and everything. but that call kinda reminded me that i'm not the only one having issues. there are tons of people out there having a really bad problem, they end up fine, they cope with it. well, thats life..full of challenge. see these challenges as something fun, without it life is flat. enjoy the rollercoaster.

i wish one day when i'm back to my low points, i will read this and i'd probably feel much better about myself.

my 25

Just few days ago I celebrated my twenty fifth birthday..woo I'm old, time flies maaaan. But anyway, I'm happy I made it till this age. I've been through a lot of lessons in life and I'm proud of the young lady I turned to in this very moment. Therefore, I cherish everything that happened, goods and bads.

At 12 sharp, my housemates came to my room and surprised me with a "birthday nachos and burrito". It was so exciting because normally we don't get together cause we all are busy with our own stuff. It's flattering that they made this small celebration for me.

I started my day by making resolutions. This is actually the best part. Rebuilding and adjusting dreams is always fun, I suppose. I have always been a dreamer, pretty much the thing I love about myself, (wow I sound so self-centered ehh..what to say, it was my birthday and it is my blog you're reading :p ). Then I took a shower, put on my make-ups, although I wasn't planning to do anything on that particular moment. Then did homework (sounds boring, but I'm still a student after all).

The fun part starts when one of my classmate, Lily, showed up at my flat and brought me presents, a tshirt that says "I LOVE COOKIES" and some cookies she baked. We talked a bit then we went to school for this event call "TGIF" where you can have free beer and free food (I don't drink beer, but the free onion rings really doesn't bother me) and on the way we took pictures of the last 'orange tree'.


At evening, my classmates, housemates, and Indonesians went to this one and only huge indoor mall in Massachusetts, Natick Mall. O yeah, I forgot to mention how happy I am to experience a birthday in the United States. They really appreciate the birthday person, they'll give you privilege to do whatever you request, like when we were still on the way to the mall, they gave me the radio remote to control whatever songs that will come up. Sounds simple, but its a big happy thingy for me.

So anyway, in Natick Mall we were suppose to play mini glow golf, but when we got there it was a bit disappointment, the place weren't as fun as I thought it would be. We went for shopping instead, which were a better deal. Then DINNER.

Unlike in Indonesia, here the birthday person does not pay for foods. Someone will pay it for you. Another thing I love about being the birthday girl. We ate, drank, and chat, such a nice night.

But it didn't actually ended in that point. We were still celebrating the birthday until the next day. We went to the cinema in Boston to watch "Breaking Dawn", walked and shopped around Boston Common, then ended up to have dinner in a really famous spot in Boston.



Another fun thing about my birthday is that since I'm in the US, which has 12 hour difference of timezone (compared to WIB), I got birthday wishes before the actual date here. So my birthday was completely extended. Also, my boyfriend send me a birthday card that came to me too early. I literally celebrate MY-DAY for too long..lol

Overall, I had a really nice birthday..

can't hardly wait for my next birthday! but waiiit..its the 26th?! oh man, ok ill wait. :D

Miley Cyrus - When I Look At You

waiting

have you ever felt that feeling where you're in the middle. you just don't know which way you should take. where people around you are pushing you to the right path, but somehow your heart is screaming for you to go to the left. then you just stood there. in silence. your heart is pounding. tears pouring. brain freezing. the one you need to give a little whisper to you has disappeared. gone, taking his own path, not with you. you're still there. standing still. in the middle. waiting.

I wish..

im back!

hello!

fiuh..its been a long time for me not posting.

the latest thing from me now is that im at united states! sudah masuk minggu ke enam! setelah tinggal di riverside, california selama 3 mingguan, sekarang netap di boston sampe studinya selesai, insyaAllah 2 tahun. Amin.

quick info, kuliahnya di brandeis university, international business school. semester pertama memang agak2 ga nyambung sama latar belakang pendidikan sebelumnya, its all about how to build career in corporation and to make your own business and stuff like that. i still have time to figure out what i wanna do in the future, tetap mau jadi dosen hi trus nanti ngambil fokus ke economic development, atau banting setir jadi business woman and concentrating more on the business skills.

so since its an international business school, i become friends from people from lots of countries. sekarang yg paling dekat dari ukraine, rusia, guatemala, brasil, amerika, dan puerto rico.. colorful heh?

sooooo many things i wanna tell, but gotta catch up with sooooooo many other things.

tell u all more later

kiss!

reminds me of my boyfriend